Tuesday, December 2, 2008

been too long...

hey everyone,

November was a busy month and a very poor BLOGGING month! I have a lot to say, I just did not write it down! i had a great time in PEI a week ago. Worked with some very talented bands and artists...GREAT TIME!

One of these days I would really like to visit Charlottetown in the summer!! I have been there in January and now November!! It is an island, with beaches by the ocean...and I show up with ice and snow!! Not very bright!

Now I am back in snow covered Southern Ontario. Preparing for Christmas and a lot of Christmas singing and touring. I will be back out in Halifax for a day, and singing all over Ontario...busy, but good!!

I just want you to know that all the talk this summer about the BIG thing that never happened and all the story behind it etc...The story is just about over and written...

I know I am driving most of you crazy but let me tell you this...the story is worth the wait!

I am very excited for Christmas...I love this time of year!! We put our Christmas tree up really early this year. We are all anxious for Christmas day!

I hope that your December is good. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in the hussle and bussle and forget why we celebrate! Jesus Christ was born!! We celebrate His birthday and His life...BECAUSE, without HIS life, our life would be VERY different!!

He is the reason for the season!!


Thursday, November 6, 2008

Heaven's Rehearsal! WOW

Ok, I have to admit that the name kind of makes me a little skeptical. I was not involved last year so I do not have the benefit of experiencing it before...I thought, the ROGERS CENTRE (formerly known as the SkyDome), for an event that there are no personalities attached to it, nothing...just christians getting together and worshiping...just a HUGE church service...

This was one of the most incredible nights of my life...I did not have to be involved to enjoy this. There was nearly 30,000 people there (i think...) and there was no MC, nobody looked as though they were there to claim the event as their own...no big name superstars to claim that everyone was there to see them...JUST thousands of people gathering together to unite the different races and countries represented and in UNITY - WORSHIP THE ALMIGHTY GOD!!

WOW, it was amazing!

I was so honored to be a small part of it. The orchestra, the band, the choir, the dancers...they were all amazing! They all played and sang and danced with passion and with one heart...it was truly humbling to be there!

I was ministered to. I was humbled and honored to be there!

if you missed it...don't miss next year!!!



Friday, October 31, 2008

Back Home from Alberta

I am so glad to be home...I love my family!!

I had a great time in Alberta, in spite of the phone in the toilet incident!! I got to sing in Red Deer, Airdrie, Lethbridge and Calgary...participated in GMA Events, gave out 3 awards with Cathy Cuts of World Vision, worked with a band called Random Taks Collective and did an interview for Global TV in Lethbridge! All in all a very good 10 days.

I am preparing for another busy couple days...today I sing at an event @ Canada Christian College, tomorrow I am singing at a race for Haiti, and then at night I sing for Heaven's Rehearsal...Sunday AM I am at Global International Ministries!

I am so grateful for the opportunity to sing...I am blessed beyond measure...

No, all the circumstances have not changed in my life...just my outlook! God is good and my family is healthy and I love my wife and kids...how can it be bad!!???

I hope to give you a full report of Heaven's Rehearsal. 35,000 people - Rogers Centre...all worshiping!! WOW, this is gonna be fun!


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Worship Night @ GMA Canada

What a great night of Worship! GMA Canada revs up for another great week of events, seminars, concerts and then ending with the Covenant Awards...

Last night, COREY DOAK DEBBIE FORTNUM ARLEN SALTE and MATT BROUWER all participated in the evening. I had the privilege of leading worship with Arlen. He runs the largest ministry conference I think in North America if not the world...Break Forth in Edmonton! He has been in the industry for over 30 years. Great man of God and a wonderful person!

Corey started the night off with his usual James Taylor-esk songs and stories...what a great talent! Debbie then went to the keyboard and she leaves you speechless with her beautiful voice and incredible talent!! Both Corey and Debbie are just amazing people!! If you do not have there music...BUY IT!!!

Matt's band, the TEXAS TRIO, played for me and that was great! Tracks just don't cut it! The band learned the song quick and then at the last minute Matt jumped in and played keys for the tune...lots of fun!

Than Matt finished the evening with his new music! He is a wonderful songwriter. He is having all kinds of success in the US but continues to come back and pour into the Canadian artists!!

All of these artists were not only incredible to listen to and see perform, but they all have an amazing heart and spirit! What a wonderful bunch to hang out with for a day!!

Hope there a lot more days like this!!


Monday, October 20, 2008

what a flight...what a night!!

Ok - I have been flying and traveling a lot! I have been doing this for quite a few years and I know the process...be there an 1.5 - 2 hours prior to the flight if you are flying out of country, or and hour if it is domestic! I get that, and I abide by that all the time...

So it is 4:55 pm on Saturday afternoon...I kiss my family good bye and head to the Kitchener Airport...a direct flight out of KW to Calgary. It takes me 20 - 25 minutes to get to the airport. I fly out at 6:15 pm...lots of time...right?? I need to stop into Staples and buy something real quick, I know where the box is, and it will take me 5 minutes tops...So while I am driving, I fall into autopilot and drive right by the exit for Staples...no problem the next exit is not far and it will be just a minute more...now at this time, it is still only 5:05 pm...I am not panicing at all...lots of time!!

I turn onto the next exit and make the turn towards the store and as I am turning...I realize I am caught in incredible traffic...I cannot turn around and there is a median in the middle of the road and the traffic is crazy!! Initially...not a problem, the more I drive I realize this is becoming an issue...I waiver...do I just stop and try to turn a round...do i continue...it just keeps getting worse, and I continue to figure out which is the best alternative.

I finally get to the store and it is still only 5:20, now I am only 10 minutes from the airport...no problem...inside the store...the shelf is bare...the box I need for my trip is not there...a little panic sets in, I ask the sales guy - he VERY SLOWLY, looks and eventually finds it!!!!

now I am in full blown panic - OK - fly out of the parking lot into another parking lot called the highway...I finally make it to the airport and park and run into the check-in...you gotta know the airport, it is the size of a large home...I see the plane, no one is getting on, and there is 25 minutes to go...SECURITY HAS LEFT!!! They will not take my luggage, and they will not allow me to get on the flight!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!! I went up to the clerk very calmly and I said..."I AM BEGGING YOU, PLEASE HELP ME GET ON THIS FLIGHT!!"

I don't think it meant as much to her as it did to me!! SO, the next option, fly out of Toronto, in 2 hours...so I paid the $50 fee, and grabbed my luggage and hit the road!! I got onto the 401 Highway to Toronto...still not overly impressed!!

I am about 15 minutes down the highway when I see a sea of red lights in front of me...NOOOOOO!!! I quickly turn on the radio to 680 NEWS and they tell me there has been a MAJOR accident a few exits up and they have CLOSED THE 401!!!!!!

A quick call to Wendy and she helped me navigate a detour. I got on the phone with WestJet and told them what was happening...I eventually made it to Toronto and with about 5 minutes to spare, got to the terminal and made the flight!!

What a night...i got in about 1 am which is 3 am to me. Then I had to wake up @ 5am to drive 2 hours to Red Deer to sing...as I got halfway to Red Deer I realized the package that I so desperately needed...was still in Calgary!!!

I do have to admit though, that the people in Red Deer were fantastic...the day went better than anticipated and it all worked out fine! A little stressed but fine!!

Then the icing on the cake...I arrived back in Calgary at 7:30 am this morning. I was cleaning up in the bathroom, just brushed my teeth and leaned over to get something when my cell phone (BlackBerry - my lifeline to the real world) fell out of my pocket and into the toilet!!!

YES - the toilet!!!!! I grabbed it right away and started to dry it off and it still sits right beside me...totally on, and I see all the messages that are coming into it and I can't get them...it beeps and rings and shows me that there are messages...it just wont let me get them!!!


it can only get better...right!! I am looking forward to GMA Canada...I sing tomorrow night at the Worship Event...Matt Brouwer's Band is playing for me...and I am leading worship with Arlen Salte...Should be a great night!!

I will let you know how that goes...

Frustrated but still laughing...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

no more dates...

Ok - here's the deal...

I have given you dates that were given to me...100% of them have fallen through!! The story is yet unwritten and the end is no where in site!!!

i am frustrated, confused, let down and most of all...really ticked off!! Not at anyone or anything in particular. Mostly @ myself...

as i wrote before, I have allowed this "thing", this "rescue" to become so real in my own mind, that i actually already had it happening...

I have planned, thought and spent the money and the opportunity!!!

I find myself once again - staring in the mirror, wondering why i am such an idiot, knowing that my poor judgment has cost other people significant money (that I will move heaven and earth to replace!!!!) and it has cost my family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is simple to walk away and say I was stupid when it only effects YOU. When you take others down, that is really painful, BUT when it starts to effect your daughters, your son and your wife...YOU BECOME A COMPLETE BONEHEAD!!!!

Now I know...God is in control!! It will all work out!!! Just give your anxiety to HIM!!! Just pray and it will all go away!! God wants to bless you!! God want to prosper you!!!! yada yada yada yada yada!!!!

i know that stuff with my head but I have to tell you that my heart is feeling abandoned, my heart is feeling overwhelmed, my heart wants to shake my fist at God and ask why??

Then I look at ME!! I can't blame God for any of this!! God did not make the choices...I did! God did not do any of the "stupid" things...I DID!!

I feel slightly schizophrenic...one hand I am furious with God...and on the other, I love HIM and will serve HIM and cannot possibly be upset with HIM for any of these circumstances!!

WOW - what a strange place to be!! I will tell you this...

As difficult as this stuff is right now i can commit to the following:
I will say as the 3 Hebrew boys said...IF MY GOD SOLVES THIS, PRAISE HIM!! IF HE DOES NOT...I WILL PRAISE HIM ANYWAY!!

My circumstances will not change the fact that Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the World!! It will not change the fact that He is the creator of all that is!! HE IS LORD, no matter what I go through and no matter what I think!!


have a great day...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


all i want to say today is this...if I cannot be happy when things are going terribly wrong, than I will not have the ability to be happy when things are going well!!

in the midst of all this "stuff" that is going on in the life of my family...if I don't decide to be happy...i will not be able to be "happy" when things turn around.

Things will always turn around and the best way to deal with life is to be happy in and out of bad times...easier said than done!!

BUT - when I am coaching a band or a soloist and we are rehearsing a show...I tell them to do certain things in rehearsal. Often I get this response, I can't do it here, there is no audience...I can turn it on when the audience is there!! IT NEVER HAPPENS!!!! When the nerves kick in and the mind goes blank, you always revert to what you know...what you have practiced. NOW, if you have already got bad habits, than you need to practice 10x's harder to break those habits and to create new ones...

If you have relied upon circumstances to make you happy, it will take a lot of work to re-learn the art of being happy!

I need to re-learn that art. I need to be happy when life sucks and when life is grand!! Because even though I don't feel it...God is always in control, and ultimately...does anything else really matter??

so..."don't worry, be happy!!"


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

OK - here a bit more on this NON SOLUTION!!

first of all, I am so thankful to have so many people, literally around the world that care enough to read this blog. many of you have been buggin me to FINALLY get this story on the blog...well...

i wish i could! I will now be able to tell the entire story as of OCT. 15th!!!

I know this is sounding a lot like a cop-out!! BUT, i need to wait. But here is what I can tell you. About 8 months ago, it appeared that my financial situation was going to change dramatically. Promises were made, and therefore I made promises...WELL - I should have known better, but this has lead to the situation I am now in...Nothing intentionally was done and there was no vengeance or malice in this entire situation...just an 8 month series of events that have continued to play with my mind. It is done, it is not done...tomorrow, the next week...I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE!!!

I have allowed my emotions to get the better of me and for those of you that know me...this is not always a good thing. I have prayed for direction, I have cried many tears, I have allowed anxiety to creep into my life so badly that I have thought I was going to have a heart attack! I have allowed this to effect my day to day routine, I have allowed this to effect my bank account tremendously...i have had this situation become a dark cloud that does not seem to want to go away!!

Sleep has become an issue. This situation is hurting Wendy and the kids...not our relationship but their day-to-day lives have been effected...

"kevin - just let it go and move on!! don't be such an idiot!!!" I know I hear you loud and clear!! I have been trying to tell myself that over and over and over and over!!! The actual details of this string of events is not for me to tell yet...but I can tell you this...IT SUCKS~

But here is something that sucks even more...I have allowed this situation to turn me so internally focused it makes me sick!! I desire to live my life for others. I want to give up the need to discuss me and look at others. I want to lower myself so others can be lifted up...I want to be nothing so Christ can be seen in my life...AND what do I waste my time on...ME!

All my blogs are...wo is me, look at what happened to me, did you hear about what I just did...yada yada yada~!!! I am more sick of that than this dumb situation!!

TODAY - I will start to re-focus my thoughts on others...those that need!!! I do not want to make myself the centre of my world...others need to be that...

Now don't get me wrong, this blog will continue to be open and honest reflections of me and how I live out my faith, but I want my LIFE to start to focus on others rather than poor ol' me!!

until next time...


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

nothing-ness, i feel like Seinfeld...

Today I write about nothing...the weather is horrible and I have to golf in a charity tournament...

well i guess it could be worse!! (LOL)

I am going to go and enjoy my day...the kids are all fed and off to school and Wendy is leading a training group for corporate managers in Toronto...so I am bachin' it...(is this how you would spell that??)

I will be in deep meditation as I hit every golf ball with fury as I know that each stroke is benefiting a charity...OK - that is a stretch, but it is a charity tournament so...

It was just confirmed that I will be involved in HEAVENS REHEARSAL at the Rogers Centre on November 1st...for more information go to the Heavens Rehearsal website...google it!

well that is all the pontification I can muster today...talk soon,


Monday, September 29, 2008

well, anything yet - YOU PROMISED!!

ok - all i got is this...wait!! prayer, meditation, pacing the floor, longing...all of these things have not made this situation draw to a conclusion any faster (I will share the entire story when it is settled)

In prayer today i had a few things that stood out, and for me that are very powerful! There is one that I want to share...

"Be anxious for nothing..." This is a crazy scripture!! Crazy good!! Just incredibly hard to do!!

When i look at my present situation and the details of my life and my families life...I cannot help but, in the natural, be anxious! I have been pretty transparent in my blogs and that will always continue...but some details do not need to be public...suffice it to say, my family is healthy, we are together and in a good place...but our bank accounts are not as healthy!!

Anxiousness seems to be my only constant! I go to sleep with a knot in the pit of my stomach and wake up with my friend still firmly planted in my belly!! PLEASE - I am not looking for pity or trying to make a plea for anything...JUST SHARING!!!

How do we take that knot of anxiousness and throw it away? How do we be anxious FOR NOTHING!??? I really think that focus has a lot to do with it...I am trying so hard not to think about the issues that are making me anxious...that I focus on nothing else!!

God is asking for my attention, He can speak peace into a situation...BUT i don't want His peace I simply want His solution!!! PEACE that God gives takes away anxiety and replaces that void with HIM!! OH HOW I NEED TO LEARN THAT!!!

The other part of this that drives me crazy is the spiritual games that I play with myself. Am I doing the right thing? If I was, would not everything be going better? Am I hearing God??

In devotions this morning I was sharing how this week, God really seemed to use me to speak into a few lives at GDD Camp Week (go to www.gospelsduets.com)...then Wendy said this...

If you can hear from God to speak in to lives and He can use you to do ministry...than maybe you are hearing Him...If you are told to go straight and you are going straight, why do you always question if going straight is right or not? The person giving the directions will tell you when it is time to turn!

SO - I continue to go straight - confused, YES, frustrated, YES! - but until the creator of all that is tells me to turn - I will continue to go straight!!

Talk to you soon,


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

ok this isn't funny anymore...

Answers come slowly when you are waiting for them!!

I remember the drive to Braeside camp as a kid seemed...it felt like such a LONG ride. I was always looking forward to being there. I had friends from all over Ontario there. Friends I didn't see anywhere else, just camp! My mind was already there playing and hanging out, before we even left the house. Strangely enough, when we would be on our way home the ride seemed to take no time at all! I didn't want to go...i did not want to reach the destination!!

Then there was Christmas Eve...the longest night in the world!!!! I would wake up at 2, 3 , 5 and then 6am...I would never go back to sleep...anticipating the incredible morning that seemed to never want to arrive!!! The day...after the presents seemed...well, a little faster!!

I have felt a little like that over the last couple days, weeks and months!! Actually it has been 8 months....

Dreams that I truly believe God placed inside of me, have been placed on hold while God molds me and teaches me and trains me and...OK - I am good!! I have had enough character building to last a lifetime!!!!!!!!

Seriously, the things that I have learned...the places emotionally I have had to go and the things I have seen have completely changed me...my motives, my plans, the reasons why - have all come into focus!! HIS WILL, HIS TIMING, HIS ANSWER - NOT MINE!!!

I submit to HIS Will and HIS TIMING!!!! I will take a bullet to see JAMES 1:27 become my life!! I am sick of living for me!! I want HIS purpose for my life and I feel that this last 8 months of HELL, have been the greatest testing ground of my life!

Now, I am not suggesting that my testing ground is any harder than yours...this blog, these stories and this reality for me has NEVER been about comparison. There are many many millions of people that go through a lot harder stuff...but from my perspective, God has challenged me, stretched me, even taken things from me - so that i would be ready to deal with what is about to transpire...

I can only tell you at this point...the end is near, the fat lady is warming up, and i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Pardon...what's that...oh cool, that fat lady is entering the building...she is about to take centre stage!!!!! OH HOW I WANT TO BE READY!!!

SO - the announcement will be postponed for another couple days...It will be worth the wait!! I PROMISE YOU!!


Thursday, September 11, 2008


as i get closer to the end of this crazy years journey, i am forced to look back at the way I have dealt with the stress and the ups & downs emotionally...

for the most part, I think i did ok??!
I did not commit murder...that' s a good thing.
I did not run out on my family...positive!
I did not beat my kids...they are very pleased about that!!
I did not lose my faith...in fact it is stronger than ever.

So...the list of "i did not's" can be fairly large and I can take comfort in those...BUT what DID I do!???

Not doing things is not always the only goal. I do not want to spend my life being pleased that I did not blow up buildings, when in fact I did not build anything significant!!!

I can see it now...RIP - Kevin did nothing to anyone and lived a harmless life!~

I know that along the way, i will have hurt someone, been unkind and will have offended someone, if not many! None of those things are good or intentional...BUT if we are to endure life and come out the other side better for the experience...we then need to do something!!! If hardships are to make us better, we cannot settle for mediocrity anymore. The status quo will not cut it...just not being really bad, will not satisfy anymore!!!

SO - if this last year has been a tough journey, and if this TOUGH journey is coming to a conclusion, than where will it lead me??

Will it lead me to not be as judgmental?
Will it lead me to be more compassionate to those in need?
Will it force me to think of others first?
Will my life become less important, and other's more important?
Will i give more away to those in need than ever before?
Will I be a better ambassador for the Gospel?
Will it lead me to be a better father?
Will it lead me to be a better husband?
Will i handle my finances better?
Will I be known for being a man of my word?
Will I...this list goes on!!

I do not want to stand in this valley and see the mountain...and then forget!! I NEED to learn from this, I need to take this and have God infuse it into my spirit. God can take these journey's and make them points of reference in our life...I want that!! I do not wan to be the same...I want to be better...or none of this was worth it.

I need to be closer to God!
I need to be a better friend!
I need to be slow to speak, and careful when I do...i need to be a man of my word!! I am not doing well on that front! This is a good time to change...

Perspective...I want this time to give me a fresh perspective...One where others are put first and God is in the centre of it all!! If after all that has gone on this year...those couple things are fruit...THAN I AM HAPPY!!!

To God be the glory!


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

a wonderful "beyond the veil" moment

November 2005, Beyond The Veil won CANADIAN RECORDING OF THE YEAR -PEOPLES CHOICE @ The Hamilton Music Scene Awards...Just came across this picture...Good Memories

Beyond The Veil was Tony Fisher, Rodney Hamilton and Kevin Pauls...the CD was produced by Mike Noack and it will be re-released nationally January 2009!! Look for it!

my weird hopeful day PART 2

OK...have you ever heard that silly saying..."here i sit broken hearted, paid a dime...yada yada yada..."

well it's not that way...totally!! I have had a huge breakthrough, but I cannot tell it to anyone until next week!! LONG STORY!!! I cannot wait to share it with you all (ya'll for my southern friends) This story is almost a year in the making and a few ulcers, "almost" heart attacks, and numerous sleepless nights. All evidence points in the direction of a breakthrough...I've already said too much!

Talk soon...

Monday, September 8, 2008

today is about nothing, just ranting...

Well, I don't really have anything specific to say today...you see, today is a fairly big day for me. I have so much riding on today. Months of waiting, months of not sleeping, months of wondering if this is true...months of, well - HOPING. I know you are curious and maybe if today works out as it should, I will fill you all in on this mystery...but as I write this, the thought occurred to me to discuss the HOPING aspect of this....HOPE -what is hope based on? What is your hope in?

For the last 7 months, my hope has been in man and a little in God. I thought that God was asking me to be hopeful and trust - while my eyes stayed firmly on the conduit rather than the supplier of the HOPE! Even though I was looking as though I had great faith in God, I wonder if my faith started to turn towards man?? It is easy to have your focus move from God to man...you physically see man, God...not so much!

I know with my head that God is ever present in my everyday life, I believe that He want the best for me...and yet I continue to struggle with so many things!? Interesting...am I not in tune with Him...is this just a prolonged season in my life, am I so stubborn that I keep making the same mistakes...hold on - wait a minute...could it be...NO!! WELL...MAYBE it's me being a stubborn fool!!!?? OUCH!

Maybe I am the worst kind of fool, the one that just does not learn from my mistakes. Maybe God is not letting me down, maybe it's just me continuing to do the same things over and over and over and over...etc...

No, it couldn't be that...could it!!!????

have a great day...i will let you know if today turned out the way it was supposed to???


Friday, September 5, 2008

a full day of Judging...

I just finished a full day judging for the TV show Gospel Dynamic Duets. The entire premise of the show is to basically find the most talented Gospel singers in Canada...The biggest problem is trying to decipher between good vocals and "annointing" or "calling"

My thoughts are like this...We can judge your voice, not your annointing...BUT, if you have not been gifted in a certain area and then say you are...and your voice is no good??? How do you address that? We often pull the GOD card when we want to do something we are not good at. We often encourage mediocrity when it is done with passion or "annointing"!!

If you can't sing...you can't sing. Find another place to minister. If you can't preach, stay out of the pulpit, if you lose your cool when you work with kids, don't teach Sunday School...I'm just saying!! (that is an inside joke)

PLEASE stop telling everyone that God has gifted you for something HE clearly had nothing to do with!!!

alright enough said...

Have a great weekend!!


Thursday, September 4, 2008

will i be let down...again!!

Well, here i sit at the edge of another cliff wondering if God in all of His wisdom knows what He's doing...Imagine the arrogance it takes to get to this place. How dare I suggest my agenda is better or what I need. How dare I suggest that I know the direction I need to go. How dare I suggest that my timing is...of course, the right timing!!

I am learning so much through these tests and trials!! I love to know that no matter what I do or how badly I screw this up, HE is always there. Picking me up, dusting me off and telling me not to be so stupid next time...knowing full-well I will be!!

I know that for me, a feeler, an impulsive person that wants to please people...i tend to look for the fix all the time, when sometimes there is no fix! Sometimes you just blew it and there is no recovery. Other times you need to pray and ask God for direction and HE will find a way...

Either way, God is always there. I think that is the amazing thing. I FEEL as though God has been absent so often lately. He brings you to the edge, drops you and then laughs as you hit the ground (ok - i know He isn't laughing at me...) I don't suggest that I have any clue as to how the ruler of the world works, but I do know one thing for sure - HE DOES WORK!!!

I would rather not feel Him and Trust HIM, then live life as thought He doesn't exist or care. I don't care if everything I want or desire is torn away from me - I WILL STILL CHOOSE TO FOLLOW HIM!!

So today Lord...lead me to the edge, let me fall...and if you allow me to hit rock bottom I know you will be there to pick me up, and if you catch me I will continue to exalt you...My circumstances will not dictate my level of devotion to you...TODAY - I commit everything to you...EVERYTHING!!! yes that too...!!!!

This blog is not coming from a place of desperation or a painful circumstance...it's just my attempt to come to grips with the fear that HE won't come through the way I want Him to...BUT that is not up to me - is it??

Live today as if it were the last day of your life!! Just make sure God is a part of it!!

in the long - run, when all is said and done, you will clearly see that God did not let you down...He is with you ALL the way!

until next time,

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The first blog...

To get some background on my other blogs and notes goto my facebook page...but this is now going to be my official BLOG!!!

Those of you just tuning in...WELCOME! here we go....

OK - i have had an interesting summer to say the least. I have endured hard times and I have had some incredible times. I want to start from this premise...
1. Jesus Christ is in fact my Saviour!
2. I do trust HIM only!!
3. I plead for HIS wisdom and guidance more than anything
4. My life is not my own, I am simply a vessel to do what HE has called me to
5. This BLOG/NOTES is my transparent confession of how I live out my faith!

You know it is funny, each blog or note that I write taken on it's own will only give the reader a glimpse into a moment of my life...I want to allow those of you that do not know me to get a BIG picture of who I am and what I stand for...

The first thing I want you to understand is this - I am nothing without Jesus Christ in my life!! Anything I have I owe to HIM and anything I accomplish is only by HIS grace!! I have chosen to die to self and allow Christ to live in me!!

NOW - having said that...I am not very good at living that out everyday...That is one of the reasons I write this blog. I love being able to be open and honest and just tell it like it is...even if it appears that I have lost my mind or my salvation!!!

Often times in the church, leaders (without really trying to do this...) present this front of perfection. They would never state it as such, and they would correct you if you suggested that...BUT the reality of it is this...We do not talk about our feelings of disappointment, or our feelings of being ticked off with God, or our feelings of being confused. Without meaning to we have built a culture inside the church that says "live up to this standard or else do not come in..." then we mess up, look like hypocrites and give many an excuse not to want what we have!!

My goal in writing this is to allow dialogue about the disappointments of life as well as the joy and peace we find in HIM!

If you take any piece of the Bible on it's own you can create a very misguided theology. BUT - when taken as a piece of the whole and understood in context it all makes sense!!

Often we make choices that are right and pure and Godly - they do not always FEEL great though. Our flesh rises up and challenges us!! If we are not honest with ourselves we can fall into Satan's trap...

SO - what is my point today? Well I guess it is to give you a better glimpse of who I am and why i write these notes...

Especially when I am front of people so much, my music and my life need to be authentic. I never want to be a different person off the stage and on it! I don't want to have to live my life wondering...who am i today, is this STAGE Kevin or just me?? I also want to make sure you know that I mess up all the time, make poor decisions, and the list goes on!!

I also want to live my spiritual struggles out in the open...I figure if I am feeling it, than most people have or are currently feeling it too!!

I pray that my rantings and musings and thoughts are uplifting - though provoking - troubling sometimes and yes, every once in a while - AMUSING!!!

till i feel inspired again!! have a great day...and welcome to the start of school!!