ok - all i got is this...wait!! prayer, meditation, pacing the floor, longing...all of these things have not made this situation draw to a conclusion any faster (I will share the entire story when it is settled)
In prayer today i had a few things that stood out, and for me that are very powerful! There is one that I want to share...
"Be anxious for nothing..." This is a crazy scripture!! Crazy good!! Just incredibly hard to do!!
When i look at my present situation and the details of my life and my families life...I cannot help but, in the natural, be anxious! I have been pretty transparent in my blogs and that will always continue...but some details do not need to be public...suffice it to say, my family is healthy, we are together and in a good place...but our bank accounts are not as healthy!!
Anxiousness seems to be my only constant! I go to sleep with a knot in the pit of my stomach and wake up with my friend still firmly planted in my belly!! PLEASE - I am not looking for pity or trying to make a plea for anything...JUST SHARING!!!
How do we take that knot of anxiousness and throw it away? How do we be anxious FOR NOTHING!??? I really think that focus has a lot to do with it...I am trying so hard not to think about the issues that are making me anxious...that I focus on nothing else!!
God is asking for my attention, He can speak peace into a situation...BUT i don't want His peace I simply want His solution!!! PEACE that God gives takes away anxiety and replaces that void with HIM!! OH HOW I NEED TO LEARN THAT!!!
The other part of this that drives me crazy is the spiritual games that I play with myself. Am I doing the right thing? If I was, would not everything be going better? Am I hearing God??
In devotions this morning I was sharing how this week, God really seemed to use me to speak into a few lives at GDD Camp Week (go to www.gospelsduets.com)...then Wendy said this...
If you can hear from God to speak in to lives and He can use you to do ministry...than maybe you are hearing Him...If you are told to go straight and you are going straight, why do you always question if going straight is right or not? The person giving the directions will tell you when it is time to turn!
SO - I continue to go straight - confused, YES, frustrated, YES! - but until the creator of all that is tells me to turn - I will continue to go straight!!
Talk to you soon,
Kevin
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Ugh! I am so there, Kevin. I handle our finances, so I see exactly where our bank account is - or isn't. I'm looking for a part-time job. I knew September would bring a job search, I just didn't realize it would be as difficult as it is.
My former Sunday school teacher told us about her 'Joy' box. It is where she puts her worries. The idea is that you trust on God and give your worries to him. If you take the worry back, it is like pulling it out of the joy box. So that is where I have put my job search. But I know I take it back numerous times each day. It's there the hour it takes me to fall asleep and it's there when I wake up numerous times during the night and again in the morning.
I really need to give it up to God - and leave it there. My worry is not helping anything!
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