Well, I don't really have anything specific to say today...you see, today is a fairly big day for me. I have so much riding on today. Months of waiting, months of not sleeping, months of wondering if this is true...months of, well - HOPING. I know you are curious and maybe if today works out as it should, I will fill you all in on this mystery...but as I write this, the thought occurred to me to discuss the HOPING aspect of this....HOPE -what is hope based on? What is your hope in?
For the last 7 months, my hope has been in man and a little in God. I thought that God was asking me to be hopeful and trust - while my eyes stayed firmly on the conduit rather than the supplier of the HOPE! Even though I was looking as though I had great faith in God, I wonder if my faith started to turn towards man?? It is easy to have your focus move from God to man...you physically see man, God...not so much!
I know with my head that God is ever present in my everyday life, I believe that He want the best for me...and yet I continue to struggle with so many things!? Interesting...am I not in tune with Him...is this just a prolonged season in my life, am I so stubborn that I keep making the same mistakes...hold on - wait a minute...could it be...NO!! WELL...MAYBE it's me being a stubborn fool!!!?? OUCH!
Maybe I am the worst kind of fool, the one that just does not learn from my mistakes. Maybe God is not letting me down, maybe it's just me continuing to do the same things over and over and over and over...etc...
No, it couldn't be that...could it!!!????
have a great day...i will let you know if today turned out the way it was supposed to???
kevin
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