Well, here i sit at the edge of another cliff wondering if God in all of His wisdom knows what He's doing...Imagine the arrogance it takes to get to this place. How dare I suggest my agenda is better or what I need. How dare I suggest that I know the direction I need to go. How dare I suggest that my timing is...of course, the right timing!!
I am learning so much through these tests and trials!! I love to know that no matter what I do or how badly I screw this up, HE is always there. Picking me up, dusting me off and telling me not to be so stupid next time...knowing full-well I will be!!
I know that for me, a feeler, an impulsive person that wants to please people...i tend to look for the fix all the time, when sometimes there is no fix! Sometimes you just blew it and there is no recovery. Other times you need to pray and ask God for direction and HE will find a way...
Either way, God is always there. I think that is the amazing thing. I FEEL as though God has been absent so often lately. He brings you to the edge, drops you and then laughs as you hit the ground (ok - i know He isn't laughing at me...) I don't suggest that I have any clue as to how the ruler of the world works, but I do know one thing for sure - HE DOES WORK!!!
I would rather not feel Him and Trust HIM, then live life as thought He doesn't exist or care. I don't care if everything I want or desire is torn away from me - I WILL STILL CHOOSE TO FOLLOW HIM!!
So today Lord...lead me to the edge, let me fall...and if you allow me to hit rock bottom I know you will be there to pick me up, and if you catch me I will continue to exalt you...My circumstances will not dictate my level of devotion to you...TODAY - I commit everything to you...EVERYTHING!!! yes that too...!!!!
This blog is not coming from a place of desperation or a painful circumstance...it's just my attempt to come to grips with the fear that HE won't come through the way I want Him to...BUT that is not up to me - is it??
Live today as if it were the last day of your life!! Just make sure God is a part of it!!
in the long - run, when all is said and done, you will clearly see that God did not let you down...He is with you ALL the way!
until next time,
Kevin
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