Ok - here's the deal...
I have given you dates that were given to me...100% of them have fallen through!! The story is yet unwritten and the end is no where in site!!!
i am frustrated, confused, let down and most of all...really ticked off!! Not at anyone or anything in particular. Mostly @ myself...
as i wrote before, I have allowed this "thing", this "rescue" to become so real in my own mind, that i actually already had it happening...
I have planned, thought and spent the money and the opportunity!!!
I find myself once again - staring in the mirror, wondering why i am such an idiot, knowing that my poor judgment has cost other people significant money (that I will move heaven and earth to replace!!!!) and it has cost my family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is simple to walk away and say I was stupid when it only effects YOU. When you take others down, that is really painful, BUT when it starts to effect your daughters, your son and your wife...YOU BECOME A COMPLETE BONEHEAD!!!!
Now I know...God is in control!! It will all work out!!! Just give your anxiety to HIM!!! Just pray and it will all go away!! God wants to bless you!! God want to prosper you!!!! yada yada yada yada yada!!!!
i know that stuff with my head but I have to tell you that my heart is feeling abandoned, my heart is feeling overwhelmed, my heart wants to shake my fist at God and ask why??
Then I look at ME!! I can't blame God for any of this!! God did not make the choices...I did! God did not do any of the "stupid" things...I DID!!
I feel slightly schizophrenic...one hand I am furious with God...and on the other, I love HIM and will serve HIM and cannot possibly be upset with HIM for any of these circumstances!!
WOW - what a strange place to be!! I will tell you this...
As difficult as this stuff is right now i can commit to the following:
I will say as the 3 Hebrew boys said...IF MY GOD SOLVES THIS, PRAISE HIM!! IF HE DOES NOT...I WILL PRAISE HIM ANYWAY!!
My circumstances will not change the fact that Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the World!! It will not change the fact that He is the creator of all that is!! HE IS LORD, no matter what I go through and no matter what I think!!
HE IS LORD!!! AMEN, and AMEN!!!
have a great day...
Kevin
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2 comments:
Amen Kevin and we will praise him with you.
God will never abandon you somtimes he's just watching you shaking his head and smilling while you express yourself.
I don't no if your familiar with the song 'He's been faithful to me' sang by Vicky Yohi listen to it sometime, along with your song 'Stay' man there're great faith builders.Stay blessed
sorry corrections
it's vickie yohe
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