Well... I HOPE that this will be the start of a more consistent blog. I have a lot to say and often allow the inspiration to leave me before I have a chance to write it down. Good planning eh? or lack thereof.
How many things in my life started out as - " a-good-intention"! I hate that term..."good intention". I have way too many things in my life that started out with the right motivation and ended up going nowhere. Either lack of follow through, lack of planning or maybe just the fact that I figured out it was a terrible idea. I have often spoken before running the idea through my brain...which often leads to disaster! I have never intentionally let people down...however, the person being let down doesn't necessarily care about my motivation!! I have hurt people, I have frustrated people and I have caused people not to think very highly of me...all because of "good intentions"! THAT SUCKS!
For many years I have followed a pattern...I have consistently done the same things over and over and incredibly, thought the results would get better! Isn't that the very definition of insanity...(that does explain a lot!)
About 20 months ago...after the worst 2 years of my career... I knew something had to change. I sat at my desk and tried to honestly ask myself some very hard questions. After over 30 years of doing music...after many years of investing time energy and finances...why am I no further ahead? Why am I still struggling...Why is there no room for creativity anymore...Why am I still in survival mode? WHY WHY WHY? Well...I came to the conclusion I was, in fact, "insane". I looked back over the years and thought of the many times that I had, in fact, let people down...let myself down, spoke too quickly, not followed through etc...I kept doing the same thing thinking that THIS time it will be different. WOW! That really hit me. I did not think I had lived my life like that...but it appeared that I had!
So...I determined that I was going to approach each decision in my life like this:
1. What would "Kevin" do?
2. DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE!
That was my strategy. I didn't say that thing I was going to say. I didn't make that call I was going to make. I wrote that letter I was NOT going to write. I was going to plan and think about the idea I was just going to do...As often as I could - I would try to respond very differently than I had over the last 30 years...
Now I would love to tell you that I have not blown it at all over the last 20 months or so...That is not the case...however, The number of "let downs" have greatly decreased. Learning to be a better version of myself is not an easy task. Taking stock into the "inner me" is not always pleasant. However, the results of digging and finding uncomfortable answers have allowed me to start the process of being better.
I am becoming:
1. A man of my word
2. A man that follows through
3. A man who does what he says
I am becoming...I am not there yet...I am becoming! This is a journey...
What hard answers could you find in your own life that could change the trajectory of your future? Look deep inside. Ask those that love you what they think. I am trying to become Kevin 2.0...It started with some soul-searching, then it started an outward change that is slowly sinking deep into my daily life.
Hard, difficult and uncomfortable answers were the start of my new journey...I would love to hear your story.
-Kevin Pauls
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3 comments:
Hi Kevin,
I like you have thought the same way from time to time but
now I try to think WWJD instead of what would I do. I like you have
tried and failed again and again. We are only human but my pastor
who I was saved under said the "We are under construction," "Also
God Doesn't Make Junk."
I guessbecause we are human it will last until we pass on to be with
Jesus or unless Jesus comes first. Don't give up, just keep on trying.
I am the lady who answers your posts on Facebook and sent the
video to my pastor that you made and wrote the song for
Canada Day-"This Far By Faith."
Paulette Wiens
Thanks Paulette...I appreciate you!
We are all flawed my friend. I admire your honesty in owning your flaws and your bravery for doing some much needed soul-searching. This life is a journey, and I like to believe that we are all doing our best with what we have in any given moment. However, striving to be better gives us the chance to learn and grow and this ultimately gives us purpose. Keep doing your thing buddy. Kevin or Kevin 2.0, you are loved all the same with all of your greatness and all of your imperfections, just for being You! Much love, Lynda
(if you have to ask Lynda who? we can’t be friends anymore lol)
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