The blog of comfort...

Today...well I just finished a 5,000 step walk. Walked and prayed and thought. I am trying to change a lot of things about my life. The way I act, react, daily activities, thought life, prayer life, daily focus, my anger, the way I treat my wife and kids, the way I treat the environment, ok - the list is VERY LONG! There is a lot of things to change. I use to be comfortable with who I was. I use to think that I was ok. When I say OK, I don't mean in a "look at me" sort of way...but I thought that what I did every day, and the way I treated people and how I treated myself was...OK. The very fact that I was OK, or comfortable with my response to the world around me on a daily basis tells me that I needed to change. Now let me establish something. I do not feel any compulsion to change for "salvation" purposes...I am saved by Grace miraculously...So this is not some way of earning my salvation or paying penance for things I have not done well...this is a desire to be more like Jesus in every aspect of my life. You see the problem was that I did not feel an urgency to change for a long time. I knew that I should be a better husband, a better father, a better lover of people...I knew that I should be more disciplined, I should eat better, be in better shape, be better at so many things. This is actually exciting for me. I am feeling an inner compulsion to be better. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel that I am being urged to do something I don't want to do...I truly feel that the love of God and HIS grace has been so amazing to me...I am wanting to grow and be more like HIM! It really is the way it needs to be. I don't want to do things out of guilt, I don't want to live out of a "should do" attitude, I want to be better because I truly have an inner desire to be better!! It's different for everyone...that line of what needs to change and what you are ok with...I am not here to judge or draw that line for anyone else. The church has tried to do that for a long time and it has failed miserably. For me...this has been a long journey...and one that is not nearly done! My comfort has been replaced with a deep sense of desire to be more like Him! Jesus is finally after 48 years ALLOWED to change me!! He has been in my life - all my life - however, I have only given Him pieces to work on...I have never wanted Him to change all of me. 2015 for me was the best year of my life...it was also the MOST HORRIFIC YEAR OF MY LIFE!!! The reason my perspective is changing is because I am starting to see the fruit of real change in my life. I have slowed down enough to allow the Creator of the Universe to speak to me. I have taken the frustration, the hurt and the complete humiliation of 2015 (it's a long story - buy my book next year!!) and allowed Jesus to heal me in many places in my life. I have also tried something new...I have tried to change. I have taken the emotions and the hurt and all that goes with it and gave them back to Jesus. I do not need to carry that weight. I do not need to pretend I can fix it. I am not capable of changing the past, but I am able to allow Jesus to carry it for me! He was humiliated, He was beaten, He was frustrated and hurt...HE KNOWS how is feels, and He knows how to help me grow from it... SO...I am no longer comfortable. I am no longer OK, with the way I live my life. I have personally met with Jesus, and HE has radically changed my desires...I now am on a path of growth. I am going to try some things that are different..hoping for a different result. I am not in search of riches or fame. I am seeking to be more like my Saviour. To do that, I must not be comfortable! Here's to growing pain!! Kevin

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