God doesn't call us to be average...

Ok...so it's going to be one of those blogs!  You know...a controversial "God" post...

Yeah...i think it's going to be...

I have heard this statement most of my life.  God has called you to be MORE...to be SPECIAL, to make a difference...yada yada yada...fill in the blank.  

I read this statement on Instagram.  It was a part of a post that was placed on social media by a famous man who claims publicly to be a follower of Jesus.  I have no reason to doubt his faith is genuine and that he has nothing but the purest of intent.  I am not doubting any of those things...however, it caused me to pause.  To dive into that statement and the validity of it.

Let me start at the genesis of this thought.  Can we tie our Faith and God to this motivational statement?  The "empowerment movement", the "success movement" and the "be your best self movement" are legit and are very helpful for those people trying to better themselves.  I get it...I really do... this stuff motivates me and helps me everyday!!  BUT - my struggle comes when you tie that to what GOD called you to...let me explain...

"God doesn't call us to be average" was the statement.  My take on this is...Is not being average our goal?  Is not being average what God has CALLED us to?  What do you mean by that??  What does this statement mean to you? ( I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments!)

When I dive deeper into this kind of talk...these kind of statements tend to push people toward being successful in their business, more influential in politics, making more money, having a bigger following, writing a best seller, having a famous blog or podcast...you name it - this tends to be our defining moments when it comes to "God's Blessing" or what "God has called us to be".  It's kind of a motivational gospel that "calls" us to climb the corporate ladder or build a successful business, or buy a bigger home...or...or...

That is the slant I read...perhaps it's just me.  But I am not convinced that "God doesn't call us to be average" is a God idea at all...BOOM!  Yeah...I told you.

What about the person being thought of as "less than" because of their faith in Jesus... what about the person being misunderstood or being mocked for their faith OR being ridiculed and beaten down and then still loving that person anyway... What about the Jesus follower who is placed in prison because of their faith... What about loving those that hate us... Didn't Jesus call us to be a witness to the love, grace and mercy of our Saviour to a world that just wants to be "better than average".  Doesn't that sound more like "Jesus"??

Doesn't God call us to LOVE?  Shouldn't our calling be to LOVE?  I don't see "success" as a calling from God.  "They will know we are Christians by our LOVE", not how much we achieved!

Let me make this personal for a minute...

I have forgotten who it is that I say I follow.  I have forgotten what it is HE called me to do.  I have been caught up in the standards of my culture.  We are called to be "set apart".  

I HAVE LOST MY WAY!

If a statement of faith is not applicable around the world, perhaps it is tainted with too much of our culture and not enough of HIS!

ponder...think...pray!

humbly submitted,

Kevin

Morning Coffee Musings

The following words are unedited...other than spell-check! (i hope). I purposefully do not edit.  I need my thoughts to be fresh and vulnerable.  This is me...I speak from the heart...

today's musings...

Well, i just poured myself a cup of java and am sitting here at my desk.  I found myself looking through some past "musings" from my blog...especially the ones during the beginning of COVID.  Challenging things...things that I don't think I really did very well.  I don't think I took my own advice at all...at least not lately.  I feel as though this last 6 months have "re-taught" me something. Here is what I am pondering, "If you do not maintain your mental health, your focus, your goals, your priorities etc... you will slowly start to go backwards"

This is a fresh awakening for me.  

I am also glad that the work I have put in over the last 7 years have helped me to recognize the fact that I was going backwards.  I feel as though I have put on the brakes a lot earlier in the process of going backwards - so there is not as much uphill climbing to do...does that make sense?

Looking back to my blogs over the years...especially during the "year from hell" in 2014/2015 - the fall was primarily because of the years of "going backwards" that were un-detected.  One bad year is inevitable.  One bad situation happens no matter how solid you are.  But as I unpacked that year, and the years that proceeded it, i can see the massive whole I created.  So, fast forward to this year.  I am seeing a "moving backward" in my life...THIS TIME, i feel like I am seeing it much faster!  Also the damage is minimal as well...catching it in time is crucial.  Because of what I have gone through in my life, 2015 was not the only time...it was just the worst.  I am able to use my past failures to recognize patterns.  I am sensing that patterns are not where they should be and I want to correct that NOW!!

I don't know if this is resonating with you?  I am fortunate that my past, as painful as it was, has allowed me to have "life markers".  I had created enough of a change in my life that my "radar" is in better working order.  Meaning...the slightest course correction is now sending alarms to my body.  I am also quicker to respond...

All of this is code for:  I DO NOT WANT TO GO BACKWARDS ANYMORE!!!

I looked back...I studied 2016, 2017 up to the end of 2019...what was different? 

I need to dig into that.  2017 was the most radical change in my life.  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally.  I need another 2017.  

Here are somethings I am going to attempt to implement...my goal is that I can spark that creativity again...spark that energy that created a new physical person (i felt WAY better in 2017)...I also want to get back to being present more often.  This is not just about my physical body, this is about habits, being joyful, and removing unnecessary stress from my life.  That internal JOY (not giddy happiness but real JOY that only comes from your inner most being - i believe that is the JOY that the Creator gives!)

1.  Morning Routine

2.  Physical body - get active and control my intake

3.  Surround myself with the things that bring me joy.

4.  Create the life I want. 

5.  Remember why I exist - I am a follower of Jesus.  I need to love others better!

Now what?  I have noticed the backward motion.  I am putting things in place to re-engage forward motion.  I now need to act.  ACT - a simple yet very difficult thing to do.  TODAY at least - I am going to do it. 

Actions...they are the only way I have grown in the past...and the only way i see change in the future!

So let the journey continue...

-Kevin

is blogging really a therapeutic exercise?

 Good morning...it may not be morning when you read this but it's morning when I am writing this.  So...I am not crazy! LOL

Is this "writing a blog" for the reader or is it simply a way for me to feel better about myself, or work out some crazy emotional damage?  I often wonder what it is about this process that is supposed to be therapeutic?

I am sitting in my office and I am by myself...and I am literally thinking out loud (on my computer).  I have not pre-planned the content...in fact I never do, i simply start typing and whatever is in my head comes out.

This morning the idea of blogging...is it for me or is it for others...maybe both?  I do know that this process is actually intellectually stimulating.  It causes me to think.  It causes me to articulate and "back-up" my thoughts.  Is what I am thinking a good idea that needs to be fleshed out or is this simply the morning rambling of a under-coffee'd man!?!?!  Valid question!

This was my thinking this morning.  Sitting at my desk and trying to figure out how to be better.  How to be a better man.  How to be a better husband.  How to be a better performer.  How to be a better follower of Jesus.  The thought of blogging then hit me...you see my morning routine, which is often not a solid routine, is important... let me say this another way...

If I want to be a better, all the things I said above...I feel that my morning routine is vital to becoming those things.  So blogging is one of those routine items that I feel is so important...AND YET I DO IT SO SELDOM (should it be seldomly?  I am no grammar person!!)

So, in thinking this through, i put my random thoughts together for me...which then gets read by you and hopefully sparks some thoughts that are beneficial. I hope it works like that.

I will try and continue this at a more consistent pace for me.  I hope that my random thoughts will resonate with you and simply allow you to know that someone else feels the same way... or at least thinks... LOL!

I am still working with this wonderful lady in Nashville and attempting to finish my book.  I know that this blogging journey helps me write - so...if nothing else, it will help my journey.

I would love to know your morning routines...what makes you feel like you are starting off better?

Talk to me...

Monday morning blues?

 Well, does the fact that it is raining bother me more than the fact that it is Monday?  I am not sure.  I have weeks that start on a high...I feel like Monday is the best! THEN there are Monday's that feel heavy.  I don't think it is the start of a week, or the fact that the weekend is over or just a Monday thing...I think it is a mindset.  "A mindset you say...tell me more!"  I am glad you asked...

I tend to me an optimistic person, however as I age and get more introspective I am finding out more and more about myself.  My bad habits, my poor self talk, my procrastination and my running from conflict and the list is longer but I will not bore you with the entire list!!  

When I am in a good headspace, looking after things I need to, my "to-do" list is complete, my morning routine is healthy etc... Monday morning is a welcome event...and when I am putting things off, not looking after my "to-do" list and avoiding conflict...Monday's suck!

So, knowing that alone does not fix it.  Seriously...how can I know that and still allow myself to end up in a bad headspace?  It is a riddle I do not know how to solve.  I am getting much better at it, but I still fall prey to bad habits...SO TODAY - I will not.  TODAY - I will follow through on my "to-do" list and TODAY I will deal with what I need to deal with!  

I am learning that my mornings can often dictate my headspace for the day.  I am working on a morning routine that can actually be duplicated...day in and day out...

so, today was a good morning...Let's hope that continues!

I would love to hear your "life hacks" for Monday morning blues...How do you stay positive?  How do you stay motivated?  What moves you??

Talk to me...

Kevin

Is September the NEW January?

"This is my new single...releasing soon!" 

 I find that mentally, at least for me, that September is more of a "reset" than January. Perhaps it's my programming. School always started in September, people start back to work on a more frequent basis, holidays are "OVER" and we start talking about Fall, Thanksgiving and yes...Christmas! This year I am feeling rather well...like I need a new start. The more i take stock in my mental "situation" the more I realize that COVID did have more of an effect on me than I would like to admit... I got sloppy in some areas of my life. I lost focus. I didn't start out that way...COVID brought some wonderful clarity at the beginning...tuning into that part my psychy that said "I will not fall prey to this virus!". I remained postive and motivated...yada yada yada... However, as we are clearly on the other side of this (some would disagree I know - but for the most part...it is behind us) I am now finding myself in a bit of a funk... I need to get back to a routine, back to a mindset of "go gettem" - you know...that kind of thing! I have such wonderful things happening. My music has opportunities that I did not see coming. New music, new tours, new connections...SO GOOD! I am in the early stages of starting my mortgage business and I am excited about that. However, I feel as though I am still scattered. I am realizing that I have managed to create some very bad habits during COVID. Habits that were easily justified because there was a pandemic. But, I need to hit the reset button. SO...I don't know if you are feeling the same. I am going to use September as my "reset". I am doing some serious soul searching. I need to build some new habits, bring back some old habits that really worked for me and stay FOCUSED!! I need to dig down into the minutiae of my daily routines and find the things that stir creativity, things that allow me to ignite that which I am passionate about...and also remove distractions and things that drain my energy! I don't need to eliminate all things that cause me anxiety - like "book work" - some of those things are necessary to growth and to reaching your goals. However, if I am not focusing on the things that bring me life...I am doing it wrong! That is my goal for September...rebuild my daily routines and build a life that allows me to be the best version of me...so that I can be the best "husband", "Father" and "Papa" and friend... Here is to September!

numb?

Do you ever feel that way? NUMB? There is a lot of emotion below the surface but it's like you cant really connect to it for some reason. Right now...I feel numb. There are so many emotions. COVID-19 & social injustice have been the catalyst for uncertainty, anxiousness, frustration, ANGER, fear, hatred...do I need to go on? Humanity is being thrown a curve ball...we are all vulnerable to very strong emotional responses - when you are losing hope. Right now...it feels like we are losing our hope.

Hope tells you that everything will be ok. Hope gives you a spring in your step. Hope shows you the way things will be in the future, not the way they are now...BUT if you lose that hope...things can look dark. You can respond in ways you did not think you were capable of. Often times...in desperate situations, our true emotions rise to the surface unfiltered.

I think the world is responding to so many things...unfiltered!

My perspective is this...maybe...just maybe we might learn something if we dig deep...if we take the time to actually listen. Take time to understand, before trying to be understood. I love the old saying, "God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so listen before you speak!"

I am wanting my current state of numbness...to allow me to ask some important questions. I want to, and I need to listen. People are acting out right now...but that's not an "over-reaction" to one incident. It's the bubbling over of hundreds/thousands of incidents the world has not learned from.

I don't even know how to feel at this moment. There are so many "feels" that nothing is coming out. As I said before...it's there, but it feels like I cannot locate them.

This virus is driving people crazy...This virus is dividing us, its causing uncertainty, it causing loss, people are isolated, people are desperate for something...some change that will give them hope...SOMETHING NEW. So when social injustice hits - it feels even more desperate.

What if...because there is nothing else to talk about...because we are so fixated on the social injustice...what if WE ACTUALLY LISTENED...and WHAT IF this actually started a revolution of change...is it possible that we have stopped our normal lives just long enough to see this injustice for what it is. Not just a bad cop(s), not just a "awful incident" but a systemic problem that permeates our society!

I know you may feel numb. I know you may feel overwhelmed. I even understand that you may feel that people are responding unfiltered and you don't know what to do. I get it...So, right now...if you listen...and then listen, and when you are done listening...listen some more - we might find a way to not let history repeat itself. We MUST come out of this better...we have a chance to change history. COVID can be remembered as the catalyst for change...Wouldn't that be an interesting take on this devastating time...Disaster causes social change!! MAYBE there is hope in that?

It's my turn...

I have purposefully stayed away from attempting to add to the dialogue. The dialogue about hatred that is seemingly so prevalent in our world. I don't want to say that this is a USA problem only...this is a world wide problem. People destroying other people simply because of the colour of their skin or the direction of their prayers. I don't even know where to begin...but let me start with my own experience.

When I was young...about 6 or 7 years old, a family moved in behind us. Our backyard, backed onto their side yard. I saw the moving truck pull in and this family start to invade their new home. They had a young boy in their family so I quickly ran over and asked him if he wanted to play...I soon realized that he could not speak english. He had a very strong German accent, and could only form a few english words and the english he could say, I couldn't really understand. I ran home. I told my mom I didn't want to play with the new kid...I said, "He's weird, he can't even speak right!" (how ironic!). My mom told me that this was the language my dad spoke and his family spoke...I was mortified. I say "NO HE DOESN'T" and ran up to my room. I don't remember ever again playing with that boy...and soon they had moved away. I really wish I knew who they were and how I could reach them. I would love to look that man in the face and tell him how sorry I am.

I watched as the next family moved in. They were a black family. They too had a boy around my age. I ran over to them and we immediately became friends. He spoke perfect english...so we got along very well!!

I am ashamed that I reacted like I did to that young German boy. How sad that I treated him like that. I was racist. I think we all wrestle with some thought that we all have to work through, that could potentially stop us from loving EVERYONE. I always took pride in the fact that I didn't remember a time when the colour of someone's skin caused me to feel negatively about them...and then my mother reminded me that I felt pretty strongly about this boy that couldn't speak english...WOW...That made me sad.

I think we all need to look in the mirror. What blindspots do we have? How do we feel about people that are different? People that pray to a different God. People that have skin a different shade than ours...People with a different story. How can we make our world better? How do we find a world where justice in actually served...lived out...desired by all human kind.

My answer...I do not have one right now. I do not know how to change the culture, so that culture can change. I do not have the answer...BUT - I do know what I can do, until we find the answer...

LOVE...EVERYONE...just because they are human
LOVE...EVERYONE...even if they disagree with you
Don't pretend to NOT see colour...embrace the difference...LOVE the difference.
Remain curious in all circumstances...find out about people you don't understand.

LOVE ------ EVERYONE!!

fear...

Today, day #...? I have completely lost track. I looked at the calendar today...we are almost at June. REALLY?? All I remember is, we were talking about some virus...then March hit...we talked more about this virus...and now its almost June! We had snow in May and we have had (currently) a heat way of over 90 degrees - in the same month!! Is this related to the virus?? LOL...

I have nothing of value to write today. I have no thoughts that will lift your spirits and allow you to soar. I simply want to commit to the writing process. I actually find this soothing. Putting ideas onto (virtual) paper...and allowing others to read it. Scary and soothing.

We often allow ourselves to NOT do something because we fear the outcome. We fear the vulnerability. We assume the outcome, we then allow that to squash our creativity and we stop! I have done it many times...I don't want to do it anymore. SO...I continue the process of putting myself out there. I will continue to dream, speak, shout and whisper on this blog...while we are putting together the NEW Kevin Pauls.

I am getting ready to change a few things...I have mentioned this before. I need to re-Brand myself...there is a re-Boot coming...A new expression of the creativity I have in my head. I want to express my thoughts...on faith, on music and on the current situation in the world. I want real conversations to be at the forefront. Not hiding my ideas because some may not agree...I am ready and willing to express them loudly. I know a lot of people that do NOT do a lot of things because they are afraid...I AM DONE! Fear will not be the reason anymore. I find when we speak what is true to us, when we speak what we feel, when we speak with clarity...people respond. I can't believe some of the things I have shared...thinking "nobody will care...but it's good for me to talk about" - I find out that people do care...People are looking to talk about their hurts, their fears...their ideas that may be a little different - but they have held back because of fear.

So...I will continue on this journey...I am cautiously optimistic about the future...about the re-Boot...I am excited to share my spiritual, emotional, and musical journey with you...and hopefully with a whole bunch of new friends...

The re-Boot - coming your way...this fall!! (there I said it!)

Quarantine Blues?

Well here we are, in the middle of a quarantine. We are hiding out from a virus that we can't see. It kind of feels like we are running from the imaginary "boogie-man". But unfortunately, even though we can't see it, it appears to be doing it's deadly job clear around the world...people are getting sick, very sick...some...far too many, are dying! WOW - that got real...real quick! The world economy is taking a very big beating! People are losing their jobs, people are afraid, uncertainty is the norm, and we are all sitting back wondering what "normal" will look like...or if there will be a normal.

For me...someone that has made my living from being in front of people, everything has stopped. EVERYTHING. There is discussion that no concerts, or gatherings of any kind...will happen for the remainder of 2020...maybe into 2021...REALLY?? So, my musician friends, my speakers friends, my pastor friends...and those who lecture, those who put on events, those who teach...thats a lot of people...WHAT DOES THIS NEW NORMAL LOOK LIKE??? I have no idea...Restaurants are closing, Cruise Ships may never sail again, Airline Companies are going under...its hard to think of an industry not being decimated during these times...well - except the toilet paper industry (WOW - they hit the jackpot!)

So...in the midst of all this negativity - how do we respond? What do we do? I don't have answers for you, I just want to simply tell you how I am looking at things. I am not the perfect example FOR SURE...But, its helpful for me to walk through this process out loud. If my process can help ignite a passion or a direction in you then wonderful. But, one thing is certain, we cannot come out of this "craziness" the same as we went into it.

As I stare into a completely blank calendar for the remainder of 2020...I have a couple of options. I can rob a bank - that can be a quick fix...potentially severe consequences, so ... maybe I will not go in that direction. I can try and book churches and theatres and sell tickets - oh yeah...not allowed to do that...I can sing for free on-line...live streaming (been doing this) - fun and will keep doing this but that is not an immediate revenue option. QUICK NOTE: Yes, musicians have bills that need to be paid! #funfact OR I can give up music all together! I can take this "pause" as a hint from god...and finally give my family what they need...stability!! JUST STOP SINGING!!

But - what if I did none of the above...What if I took this time to completely re-brand myself. What if I took this time to look in the mirror...ask some tough questions, find out what my ultimate goals are, find out how I can accomplish them and then completely hit "REBOOT". This is scary...This is vulnerable...This is a little dangerous. What if I did this process in the open...What if I allowed people to see how messed up I am. What if I allowed people to see my scars...what if I opened up the life of Kevin Pauls...LIVED out loud and offered that same chance to others...

I have always thought that I was an open book. I don't hide a lot. BUT - what if I took that to another level. What if all my fears, all my inner thoughts became known. Would people still want to know me? Would people ignore me...or even worse, get rid of me?? What if my theology isn't all tied up in a bow like theirs? What if I think differently? What if my thoughts around politics are not like yours or yours or yours? Will that exclude me from your conversations - even worse...would that exclude me from your acceptance??

What if I am not the only one that has felt...that is feeling, that is living with this reality? What if it is time to talk about the TRUE MUSINGS inside of you? What if this "coming out" is not a bad thing...but an open invitation to be seen...and heard...and still LOVED! ***SPOILER ALERT*** I have not lost my faith...I am not seeking to destroy the fabric of our free society...I AM SIMPLY WANTING TO BE HONEST!! That alone can be disturbing. I do have some questions. I do have some fears. I do think differently than a lot of my evangelical friends. I have evolved over the last 15 years...I do not see the world the same as I did. I do not think of my faith the same way as I did. I do not see the church the same way as I did. I do not see the many things the same...AND i think there are a lot of people that feel this very same way.

So - i am in the middle of a REBOOT...What will Kevin Pauls look like in a few months...What things will I be involved with...What stories will I be telling...what songs will I be singing...

PLEASE stay tuned to find out...in fact - we might find out together!!

Kevin Pauls

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO"

Have you ever found yourself in the position of "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO?" During this quarantine, as the landscape of our society changes, my potential for touring and doing concerts and events has STOPPED! I am looking at the process of reBranding myself, figuring out how to do things differently. In the midst of that process...there are many times when it looks like it will never work! I have days of complete and utter frustration..."I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!!"

I know that my industry is not the only one forced to completely rethink how they move forward. I know this time has created anxiety for the future of a LOT of industries. SO, I can't be alone in this. I am not the only one who feels as though I had no idea what the future will look like!!! So...NOW WHAT?

I want to make sure that I keep things in perspective. I am healthy...I have a wife that loves me (most days! LOL), kids that still want to hang out with their parents, grandkids that love their Papa...SO...the basics are good! The foundational elements of my life are in good working order. THAT MATTERS! I still have hope for the future...I still have plans and things I am working on...I still have dreams for what's next...but..."I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!"

Will the plans I have create enough revenue to pay my bills?
Will the ideas I have come to fruition...and will they have revenue attached to them?
Will I be able to pull off the ideas I have?
Do I have what it takes to make this work?
This dream is too big for me!
I NEED SECURITY NOW!
I don't know if this will work...and if it doesn't - THAN WHAT????

Most days I wake up ready to go after the dream...today I woke up wondering if I have what it takes...if I can make things work...Will I screw this up...again!??

Self doubt, woe is me, pity party...yeah, all the things that will NOT help...flood my mind. Today will pass...I know I'm not alone...but it sure feels like it sometimes. The overwhelming thought that I will not be able to pull this off, hits me every once in a while! I have tried things in the past and they did not pan out well. I have let a whole bunch of people down in the past. I have lost a bunch of money...and other peoples money - going for what I thought was a great idea...now..."I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO".

Tomorrow I might not think this way...in fact, by the end of the day my perspective may change...or I could feel this way for a few days...IT'S MY CHOICE!!! I cannot allow past results to dictate my future. I have a choice. It's an easy choice...I want to choose to be enough...to have what it takes...to finally make things work...BUT my past wants to step out in the middle of the road and say...You can't make this happen! You don't have what it takes...

Well..I may not have what it takes. I may not make things work the way I want them to.

I don't want to end there. I always want to be able to spin this into an encouraging post to give you HOPE! That would not be real...That would not reflect my mindset at this moment...

I will leave it here for today. I will allow myself to feel this, and work through it. This is my reality today. I simply do not know what to do. So, as my beautiful wife taught me - when you don't know what to do next...do the next thing you know to do! SO...here are my steps to work through this today (I am preaching to me!!)

1. Pray & Meditate
2. Connect with God
3. Allow my "gut" to speak to me
4. Ask for wisdom & guidance
5. Make no decisions today.

That's all I have today...

Be well...

Kevin

Conspiracy & Jesus - My take...

I see a lot of people focusing a great deal of energy on "conspiracy theories"! A lot of people are addicted to social media and the drama surrounding this "so-called" conspiracy. It makes for good television...it can create drama and excitement during your boredom. BUT...is it helpful? Even if the theories are true...is it helpful??

I am focused on one group of people...Those of you that claim to follow Jesus! Please know that the opinions expressed are mine. I am simply working this out in my own life, and since I claim to be a follower of Jesus...i am asking this question for myself as well.

What is my goal during this pandemic? As a follower of the ways of Jesus, what should my focus be? The constitution of our country? The financial well being of our nation? The front-line workers? The news and media outlets? Should I get caught up in the drama of "GET BACK TO WORK" or "This is a HOAX" or "It's not as bad as they say" or "The world will never be the same"...and the list of bombastic statements continue...

What is the posture I want to take? What is helpful? What is the best way I can represent Christ in crisis? Pandering to the extreme right or left politically doesn't seem to be very helpful. Spreading fear and anxiety doesn't appear to be the right solution. Pretending it's not really that bad - that doesn't feel right either...so what't left to do?

Here is where I choose to land.
1. I will not try to be a doctor or pretend I know anything about this pandemic from a medical perspective.
2. I will calmly abide by the ruling of those who seem to know far more than I do.
3. I choose to attempt to bring life and hope to a dark situation with positive comments & hopeful statements
4. I want to find those that need a boost emotionally or spiritually and give them that boost.
5. I want to take this time to reBrand me and all that I do...professionally, personally and spiritually.
6. I want to remove the things from my life that are not life giving!
7. I want to reFocus on the things in my life that bring JOY, HOPE, GRACE & FORGIVENESS.
8. I want to think before I act - with mercy, kindness and love.
9. I need to take seriously the time we have and find out ways to make others more important than me.
10. I need to remember in all things - that I represent Jesus Christ. IF i choose to follow Him and IF I choose to tell people I follow Him...than I need to start acting like it!!

Rant is officially over (for today!

Kevin

Trust - a prayer for today!

This was my prayer this morning...

Today God…I first want to acknowledge your provision. I really feel awkward when people say “God is in Control” - that leads me to believe you are in control of this chaos. I believe you are in ULTIMATE control, but that does not mean “micro managing” the world or our lives. In simple terms…I do not think you caused this or any other tragedy…but I firmly believe you are in this with me!!! Standing, holding, encouraging…loving me through this entire episode.

I never want to pretend I KNOW things that are un-know-able! We have a book full of stories about God and the interaction between the Jewish People and Yahweh. We have letters and encounters about the life of Jesus, we have first hand accounts of the death and resurrection of Jesus, we have life lessons and we have the the words of Jesus…and so much more that point us to knowledge that Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the world…Somehow Jesus is the DIVINE, and was human enough to understand our plight and DIVINE enough to save us! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL…However this understanding guides my life and guides everything I do! HOWEVER this beautiful book we call The Bible does not clearly allow us to understand all the inner workings of the world and how God interacts with His creation…SO…I say all that to simply tell you I do not know exactly how God works…BUT I AM CONFIDENT HE DOES!!!

That confidence allows me to have hope for the future. That confidence allows me to have peace in the midst of the storm. I do not need to know the inner workings of the universe because I know the one who is charge and I trust HIM!!

Today, I simply rest in that trust!

New Beginnings...AGAIN for the 3rd time...again!?!!

Well I am sure many of you, like me, are sick of "new beginnings". At least in my life, the "start over" button has been hit a few times...so I know what you are thinking...really? AGAIN? Welcome to my life!!

Being in this crazy business, and dreaming of music as a career since I was 6 years old...and attempting it since I was 16...things don't always go as planned. Well, at least that has been my experience. A few years ago my wife Wendy Pauls and I hit CNTRL + ALT + DEL in our lives. We were ready to hang it up...I was willing to never sing again. I WAS DONE!!

The next few years were painful and were very soul searching. I did not know how we would get to the next step. I did not know if I would sing again. I did not know how I could jumpstart my career...I was totally spent!!

Well...where do I begin...??

Wendy and I are almost ready to reveal to the world what NEXT looks like. We have been busy planning, putting in the work and making sure things are ready to hit the ground running.

Its been a long time coming...I cannot wait to reveal everything to you...not yet - BUT SOON!!

It's a big deal for me. It's a big deal for Wendy. I pray that this venture will be a big deal to you too...stay tuned!!

Kevin

Good Intentions

Well... I HOPE that this will be the start of a more consistent blog. I have a lot to say and often allow the inspiration to leave me before I have a chance to write it down. Good planning eh? or lack thereof.

How many things in my life started out as - " a-good-intention"! I hate that term..."good intention". I have way too many things in my life that started out with the right motivation and ended up going nowhere. Either lack of follow through, lack of planning or maybe just the fact that I figured out it was a terrible idea. I have often spoken before running the idea through my brain...which often leads to disaster! I have never intentionally let people down...however, the person being let down doesn't necessarily care about my motivation!! I have hurt people, I have frustrated people and I have caused people not to think very highly of me...all because of "good intentions"! THAT SUCKS!

For many years I have followed a pattern...I have consistently done the same things over and over and incredibly, thought the results would get better! Isn't that the very definition of insanity...(that does explain a lot!)

About 20 months ago...after the worst 2 years of my career... I knew something had to change. I sat at my desk and tried to honestly ask myself some very hard questions. After over 30 years of doing music...after many years of investing time energy and finances...why am I no further ahead? Why am I still struggling...Why is there no room for creativity anymore...Why am I still in survival mode? WHY WHY WHY? Well...I came to the conclusion I was, in fact, "insane". I looked back over the years and thought of the many times that I had, in fact, let people down...let myself down, spoke too quickly, not followed through etc...I kept doing the same thing thinking that THIS time it will be different. WOW! That really hit me. I did not think I had lived my life like that...but it appeared that I had!

So...I determined that I was going to approach each decision in my life like this:
1. What would "Kevin" do?
2. DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE!

That was my strategy. I didn't say that thing I was going to say. I didn't make that call I was going to make. I wrote that letter I was NOT going to write. I was going to plan and think about the idea I was just going to do...As often as I could - I would try to respond very differently than I had over the last 30 years...

Now I would love to tell you that I have not blown it at all over the last 20 months or so...That is not the case...however, The number of "let downs" have greatly decreased. Learning to be a better version of myself is not an easy task. Taking stock into the "inner me" is not always pleasant. However, the results of digging and finding uncomfortable answers have allowed me to start the process of being better.

I am becoming:
1. A man of my word
2. A man that follows through
3. A man who does what he says

I am becoming...I am not there yet...I am becoming! This is a journey...

What hard answers could you find in your own life that could change the trajectory of your future? Look deep inside. Ask those that love you what they think. I am trying to become Kevin 2.0...It started with some soul-searching, then it started an outward change that is slowly sinking deep into my daily life.

Hard, difficult and uncomfortable answers were the start of my new journey...I would love to hear your story.

-Kevin Pauls

Vulnerability - what happens when the lights go out?

It has been far too long since I wrote anything. I have taken some time to realign myself. Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically - I am not the same person I was back in 2014, 2015 or even the start of 2017. Something changed. Something finally moved me to change. Real change. Real Change? YES...I can actually say REAL change. I don't need to get into the entire reason, and all the specific aspects of change - but there has been a deep change within my spirit, my emotions and this has helped to transform my physical. I often would say to my bride, "The outside is more closely related to the inner spiritual well being than we think" "The outside is often a reflection of the inner person". I knew (or least I thought) there was a direct correlation between our physical well being and our inner spiritual and emotional well being. Now, obviously, there are circumstances that would make this theory seem impossible...however, no matter what your physical limitations are, I still believe this applies. It is not based on appearance, or physical prowess or ability. It is based on how we feel and see ourselves. NOW - let me get personal for a moment...Applying this theory to your own life will look very different than it does in my life - I just hope you resonate with the idea...and perhaps it can lead you in a direction that can cause change...if that is what you are after. For me...I have felt over the last 10-15 years that I was working on about 80% of my ability while feeling like I was working at 120% of my capacity! I allowed procrastination to start taking over. I avoided things that were uncomfortable. I avoided the unpleasant, which allowed my immediate circumstances to fool me into a belief that "everything was going to be alright!" I watched people around me hide. I learned what it was to avoid conflict and thus carried all the burdens by myself...I did not want to burden my wife...burden anyone else. Interestingly, when looking back, I realized that was not out of a motive that was to "keep others from worrying" it was a very selfish motive - I did not want anyone to know how stupid I was being!!. I lived with a knot in my stomach most days. I slept poorly. I was anxious. I was very rarely "present" in conversations or personal interactions. I missed a lot of great moments because my mind was elsewhere. I used all my creative energy figuring out ways to fix my problems rather than applying that creativity to my craft. I was slowly killing the joy in my life. I would get angry quickly. It affected how I talked to my wife and my kids...it was like a cancer in my spirit. Late into 2015, when Wendy and I were in the middle of the "year from hell", something hit me...it was called "ROCK BOTTOM!" I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I could not pretend I could fix this anymore...I was DONE! It has been a long process, but the essence of the lesson was this...the more vulnerable I became. The happier I became! The more all my wounds and scars and screw-ups were brought to the light...the less I had to hide...in fact, I hid no longer!! I owned my patheticness, my mistakes, my woundedness...the more broken I became, the more restored I felt. I have never felt the hand of God more than I did when I allowed myself to be COMPLETELY BROKEN. My relationship with my wife grew...it got better and better and better. We became a team, I felt as though I didn't have to carry the burden alone...the light at the end of the tunnel has reappeared. So, let me get back to the correlation between the outside me and the inside me. in January of this year, since I started at Crossroads and was on Huntley Street - things started to change...not because I was on TV but the effect of my vulnerability started to take over. My spirit started to feel different. My emotions were starting to heal. My outside started to not feel aligned with my inside. I lost some weight, I radically changed my hair. I felt that my mind was clear for the first time in a long while. My attitude was different. I was present...change just started to manifest itself. I wanted something different. I WANTED TO CHANGE!!! I had allowed myself to hide for so long...feeling like I was a loser...like I had not lived up to the potential I was told I had...feeling less than sucks!! It shows itself in many ways...mine showed up - spiritually, emotionally and physically. When the lights on the stage went out - I did not like myself very much. It took a lot for me to learn that - it cost me far more than I would have wanted it to...however...now that I am on the other side...the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter...there is hope...there is a joy. I am present. I love my family better. I am ready to live the second half of my life much better!! So, the lights are out and I am lying in my bed...for the first time in a long time...I AM OK WITH THAT!

Todays Inspiration

I just finished watching a video on Facebook. I am constantly blown away by the generosity of those in need. I have seen many videos, and have experienced it first hand...those in need often are the ones that give the most. I have traveled for years and spoken on behalf of World Vision, and recently Food For The Hungry. I am often taken aback when those who have desperate stories, and really hard/tough circumstances come back to the table and sponsor a child or give some money...it catches me off guard. I know how much I have been given and am always challenged to do more. I don't have a lot and find myself becoming increasingly "self-focused". When the need is there, it can become all you see. You stop looking to help others. You become isolated and you forget to live a life of extreme generosity. I have become guilty of that. I don't need to get into the details of my situation, but it is clear to me that focusing on my issues has stopped me from being "others focused". It has stopped me from being who Jesus created me to be. I am not supposed to be a great singer (although I hope to achieve that one day), I am not put on earth to do great things, or achieve great wealth or become famous or buy more stuff...I firmly believe that I was created to shine the light of Jesus Christ so bright, that people don't see me, but they see the Father! (through action - LOVE) I have become ME focused. I have been so worried about my circumstances that I have forgotten about those around me. My wife, my kids, my friends, my neighbours, those around me, those I don't event know. My prayer today is simple...Allow me to care more about others, than my own circumstances! Today, allow me to have the privilege of praying for others, caring for others, thinking of others, giving to others. Allow me to take time for others, to listen, to genuinely care. I am called to LOVE. I pray today that I love others more than myself. AMEN.

Happy Sailing! The tension of life...

Making decisions...overthinking it...reading into everything that happens...looking for the "sign"...is it just me, or do we tend to over analyze things? I know I sure do...over analyze that is! I want to take a step back from my current direction in life - take stock in what has worked and move forward into my 50's (yeah I said it - it's not that far away!) with a clear direction that will allow us to achieve some goals that my wife and I have. So, in doing that - I over think it. In the past - I have tried to do the same things over and over - hoping each time - I would do them better...NOW - I am trying to do some very different things and expecting a different result! That makes sense, right? I want to take a new approach and see if we can make some progress...but every time I have an idea, or a thought - I then take it to prayer...I try to hear from God and then make a decision. That's when the problem arises... I need to hear from God, without the filter of my own desires! GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!! I know that there are some that feel so spiritually superior - they would tell you that they can clearly hear from God (all the time) in spite of their own ideas. Well, I am here to tell you that I don't always get it right! (SHOCKER!) Taking a step back...taking stock in my life...in my career...making decisions that are good for me and my family - while still striving to be a follower of Christ -- IS NOT THAT SIMPLE! It is easy to get caught up in financial worries, money goals, material things, trips that you want, philanthropic endeavours...etc...it all starts to flow together and finding the heart of God in the middle of that is often elusive. I want to be financially secure, I want to take my wife to Italy for a month, I want to tour the world, I want to help those that are in need, I want to be a light in a dark world, I want to represent Jesus well...All of those things go together right? They don't need to mutually exclusive - do they? Can we go after our dreams, while following Christ? Can we put others first while trying to climb the "corporate" ladder or live the "American-Dream?" Where is the balance? Is there a balance? How do you reconcile all of these questions? So many questions and so few solid answers. You see, in my humble opinion, there is no correct answer! This is the tension that we live with. The culture we live in pulls us, the people we surround ourselves with influence us, the God we serve directs us...the goals we have, compel us to act - somewhere in the middle of all of this - we find a heart that wants to serve our Creator. In all the noise of life, we try to navigate the selfish ambition we all have, with the sacrificial love that Jesus demonstrated for us. That tension is our reality. There are no right or wrong answers to how this is implemented into each individual life. Every heart seems to beat a little differently. I have my career goals, I also have our family goals, I then have the heart of Jesus beating inside of me trying to direct this stubborn man...TENSION - it is just that...As I navigate these tension filled waters, I pray that the wind of the Holy Spirit will continue to allow me to sail straight!! May today be a day you drift a little closer to the wind of the Holy Spirit - HAPPY SAILING! Kevin

Deep thoughts by Kevin Pauls...is this an oxymoron?

I used to love the "Deep Thoughts" excerpt from SNL. Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey...they were little quotes that were just a little "off"! It is especially effective with the beautiful sound of the piano & strings in the background and the visual of a gorgeous ocean setting. The whole "deep thoughts" idea is only funny when you know what the actual saying is...so when they totally destroy the meaning, you then realize why it's funny. You need to have the original to compare to or the new saying is just odd! right? My deep thought today came when I was driving my daughter to work. We were talking and my twisted mind went straight to deep theology...really, coffee in hand, 8:15am, beautiful sunny morning, driving my daughter (whom I love to death) and my mind goes to "deep thoughts"! Really...I am not this bright. I am not normally a "thinker"...this is not like me!! seriously! I am a little worried... My mind went to the word sin. Sin is this scary word. Sin holds all kinds of meaning to Christians. It is amazing the meanings we get from this word. by definition: "an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law" Wow...it's nice to know that it is that specific! LOL!! I am so glad that we all define those acts the same. I am so glad that we are in agreement to what the "divine laws" are. I am so happy to know this has not caused any concern or division within the church. (I hope that you were able to pick up on the sarcasm...I was laying it on pretty thick!!) We were (my daughter and I) talking at this time about the LGBT community and that we both know some that are also followers of Christ, while within the LGBT community. Now I am not interested in the debate about the "right-ness" of this. Only want to bring up the point that this can be a VERY divisive topic!!!! (you think?!) SIN - is not easily defined. Lifestyle, moral conduct, loving our neighbor, treating each other with respect, war, violence, looking after the poor, sexual orientation, sex before marriage, drinking, smoking, long hair, make-up, harsh language and the list goes on! We so desperately want to know who is "saved" and who is not!! We (the church) for years have taken scripture out of context to back up a rule we needed to implement. We have often taken our own bias and placed it on others so we could call them on their "sin". We have sometimes just made rules because we THINK it is the right thing to do... (i know that this would never happen in the church!! LOL) Now, before you get concerned that I am trying to justify an action or actions, let me tell you my deep thought! NOTE: after many years of learning and studying and trying to hear the heart of God...this is my "deep thought" It is a work in progress and this is not the finished thesis...but this is the beginning of what I hope will be a life transforming theology taken out of scripture

Deep Thought: LOVE EVERYONE YOU MEET!

If we do this well...the RULES will not matter anymore. Love well today!

The blog of comfort...

Today...well I just finished a 5,000 step walk. Walked and prayed and thought. I am trying to change a lot of things about my life. The way I act, react, daily activities, thought life, prayer life, daily focus, my anger, the way I treat my wife and kids, the way I treat the environment, ok - the list is VERY LONG! There is a lot of things to change. I use to be comfortable with who I was. I use to think that I was ok. When I say OK, I don't mean in a "look at me" sort of way...but I thought that what I did every day, and the way I treated people and how I treated myself was...OK. The very fact that I was OK, or comfortable with my response to the world around me on a daily basis tells me that I needed to change. Now let me establish something. I do not feel any compulsion to change for "salvation" purposes...I am saved by Grace miraculously...So this is not some way of earning my salvation or paying penance for things I have not done well...this is a desire to be more like Jesus in every aspect of my life. You see the problem was that I did not feel an urgency to change for a long time. I knew that I should be a better husband, a better father, a better lover of people...I knew that I should be more disciplined, I should eat better, be in better shape, be better at so many things. This is actually exciting for me. I am feeling an inner compulsion to be better. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel that I am being urged to do something I don't want to do...I truly feel that the love of God and HIS grace has been so amazing to me...I am wanting to grow and be more like HIM! It really is the way it needs to be. I don't want to do things out of guilt, I don't want to live out of a "should do" attitude, I want to be better because I truly have an inner desire to be better!! It's different for everyone...that line of what needs to change and what you are ok with...I am not here to judge or draw that line for anyone else. The church has tried to do that for a long time and it has failed miserably. For me...this has been a long journey...and one that is not nearly done! My comfort has been replaced with a deep sense of desire to be more like Him! Jesus is finally after 48 years ALLOWED to change me!! He has been in my life - all my life - however, I have only given Him pieces to work on...I have never wanted Him to change all of me. 2015 for me was the best year of my life...it was also the MOST HORRIFIC YEAR OF MY LIFE!!! The reason my perspective is changing is because I am starting to see the fruit of real change in my life. I have slowed down enough to allow the Creator of the Universe to speak to me. I have taken the frustration, the hurt and the complete humiliation of 2015 (it's a long story - buy my book next year!!) and allowed Jesus to heal me in many places in my life. I have also tried something new...I have tried to change. I have taken the emotions and the hurt and all that goes with it and gave them back to Jesus. I do not need to carry that weight. I do not need to pretend I can fix it. I am not capable of changing the past, but I am able to allow Jesus to carry it for me! He was humiliated, He was beaten, He was frustrated and hurt...HE KNOWS how is feels, and He knows how to help me grow from it... SO...I am no longer comfortable. I am no longer OK, with the way I live my life. I have personally met with Jesus, and HE has radically changed my desires...I now am on a path of growth. I am going to try some things that are different..hoping for a different result. I am not in search of riches or fame. I am seeking to be more like my Saviour. To do that, I must not be comfortable! Here's to growing pain!! Kevin

Saying GoodBye to 2015...or is it good riddance...

2015 started with such promise. My business was getting a "fresh start", new working relationships, new partnerships and I actually needed to wear shades as the future did in fact look very bright...THEN...all hell broke loose. I don't think I am exaggerating when I suggest that everything I had dreamed of for this fiscal year - died! I do not want to rehash the details, but lets just say that every single projection, every single goal, every single financial "dream" - was obliterated!! I think that sums up my 2015... Now I could sit here and think of the craziness that was 2015. I could sit here and blame and finger point and pretend I am a victim and that life is so unfair and life is harsh yada yada yada...I could be sad, and sit here and be depressed because of the situation I find myself in...OR...I could find the many blessings in the rubble. I choose to find those blessings...here are just a few: 1. We finally took a family vacation. Wendy has been saving for a couple years without telling anyone. She surprised us last Christmas with a trip to Cuba for us and the 3 kids! AWESOME time!!! 2. I had the chance to tour with all 3 of my vocal heroes. Growing up, Steve Archer, Russ Taff and Michael English were the 3 singers that I pattern'd my vocal style after. I knew all their music, I knew their special "vocal lyks". I toured with all 3 and got to sing some of their iconic tunes with them. I sang, "Through His Eyes of Love" & "Jesus is the Answer" with Steve Archer..."I'm Forgiven" & "Trumpet of Jesus" with Russ Taff...then just last week, "Mary Did You Know" "I Bowed of My Knees" & "I Believe in a Hill" with Michael English!!! So...that was VERY cool. 3. Our company helped Jessica Ridley tour in the UK for 18 dates with Ward Thomas (#1 Country act in the UK) and I was able to spend 8 days in the UK and see many incredible things! I even saw Stonehenge! 4. I was able to release my very first DVD, THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS WITH KEVIN PAULS & FRIENDS, featuring - The Martins, Steve Archer, NewWorldSon, Jacob Moon, Alynthia, Kevin Ramessar and a great band and choir!! It played all over the UK this year, into the US Market and parts of Australia and South Africa. This is a huge deal for me...so happy about this! 5. My daughter Lauren - is engaged!!! Getting married next year...She is also finishing up school and is a youth pastor at a local church in Waterloo. 6. My daughter Amber is at Bible College and just got back from a 6 week missions trip to Jamaica. She is also an amazing photographer. 7. My son Jordan is done high school and is taking his Real Estate course and will be joining my brother in Hamilton to keep the tradition going and work for PAULS Real Estate! 8. My lovely wife, Wendy, and I celebrated our 27th Anniversary this year. AND we still really like each other! SO...??? I can focus on the negative of 2015 --- OR, I can choose to see the blessings. I have learned many things this year. I know who my friends are. I know that there are many people that like to see others fail. I also know that there are many people that see the good - and there are many people that have the ability to show grace and mercy! Here is what I hope for in 2016. A) I will be back touring a lot more B) I will be back working with artists a lot more C) I will have my wife working by my side! D) I have a renewed focus for the few things in this world I am good at. STICK TO THEM! E) I will write new music this year, with some great songwriters I am so happy to be turning the calendar over to 2016. Not so much to get rid of 2015...but to look forward to another year to be better - professionally - and personally! God be the centre of all I do. May people see YOU before they see me. Happy New Year!!! See you on the road in 2016. Kevin