numb?

Do you ever feel that way? NUMB? There is a lot of emotion below the surface but it's like you cant really connect to it for some reason. Right now...I feel numb. There are so many emotions. COVID-19 & social injustice have been the catalyst for uncertainty, anxiousness, frustration, ANGER, fear, hatred...do I need to go on? Humanity is being thrown a curve ball...we are all vulnerable to very strong emotional responses - when you are losing hope. Right now...it feels like we are losing our hope.

Hope tells you that everything will be ok. Hope gives you a spring in your step. Hope shows you the way things will be in the future, not the way they are now...BUT if you lose that hope...things can look dark. You can respond in ways you did not think you were capable of. Often times...in desperate situations, our true emotions rise to the surface unfiltered.

I think the world is responding to so many things...unfiltered!

My perspective is this...maybe...just maybe we might learn something if we dig deep...if we take the time to actually listen. Take time to understand, before trying to be understood. I love the old saying, "God gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so listen before you speak!"

I am wanting my current state of numbness...to allow me to ask some important questions. I want to, and I need to listen. People are acting out right now...but that's not an "over-reaction" to one incident. It's the bubbling over of hundreds/thousands of incidents the world has not learned from.

I don't even know how to feel at this moment. There are so many "feels" that nothing is coming out. As I said before...it's there, but it feels like I cannot locate them.

This virus is driving people crazy...This virus is dividing us, its causing uncertainty, it causing loss, people are isolated, people are desperate for something...some change that will give them hope...SOMETHING NEW. So when social injustice hits - it feels even more desperate.

What if...because there is nothing else to talk about...because we are so fixated on the social injustice...what if WE ACTUALLY LISTENED...and WHAT IF this actually started a revolution of change...is it possible that we have stopped our normal lives just long enough to see this injustice for what it is. Not just a bad cop(s), not just a "awful incident" but a systemic problem that permeates our society!

I know you may feel numb. I know you may feel overwhelmed. I even understand that you may feel that people are responding unfiltered and you don't know what to do. I get it...So, right now...if you listen...and then listen, and when you are done listening...listen some more - we might find a way to not let history repeat itself. We MUST come out of this better...we have a chance to change history. COVID can be remembered as the catalyst for change...Wouldn't that be an interesting take on this devastating time...Disaster causes social change!! MAYBE there is hope in that?

It's my turn...

I have purposefully stayed away from attempting to add to the dialogue. The dialogue about hatred that is seemingly so prevalent in our world. I don't want to say that this is a USA problem only...this is a world wide problem. People destroying other people simply because of the colour of their skin or the direction of their prayers. I don't even know where to begin...but let me start with my own experience.

When I was young...about 6 or 7 years old, a family moved in behind us. Our backyard, backed onto their side yard. I saw the moving truck pull in and this family start to invade their new home. They had a young boy in their family so I quickly ran over and asked him if he wanted to play...I soon realized that he could not speak english. He had a very strong German accent, and could only form a few english words and the english he could say, I couldn't really understand. I ran home. I told my mom I didn't want to play with the new kid...I said, "He's weird, he can't even speak right!" (how ironic!). My mom told me that this was the language my dad spoke and his family spoke...I was mortified. I say "NO HE DOESN'T" and ran up to my room. I don't remember ever again playing with that boy...and soon they had moved away. I really wish I knew who they were and how I could reach them. I would love to look that man in the face and tell him how sorry I am.

I watched as the next family moved in. They were a black family. They too had a boy around my age. I ran over to them and we immediately became friends. He spoke perfect english...so we got along very well!!

I am ashamed that I reacted like I did to that young German boy. How sad that I treated him like that. I was racist. I think we all wrestle with some thought that we all have to work through, that could potentially stop us from loving EVERYONE. I always took pride in the fact that I didn't remember a time when the colour of someone's skin caused me to feel negatively about them...and then my mother reminded me that I felt pretty strongly about this boy that couldn't speak english...WOW...That made me sad.

I think we all need to look in the mirror. What blindspots do we have? How do we feel about people that are different? People that pray to a different God. People that have skin a different shade than ours...People with a different story. How can we make our world better? How do we find a world where justice in actually served...lived out...desired by all human kind.

My answer...I do not have one right now. I do not know how to change the culture, so that culture can change. I do not have the answer...BUT - I do know what I can do, until we find the answer...

LOVE...EVERYONE...just because they are human
LOVE...EVERYONE...even if they disagree with you
Don't pretend to NOT see colour...embrace the difference...LOVE the difference.
Remain curious in all circumstances...find out about people you don't understand.

LOVE ------ EVERYONE!!