Good Intentions

Well... I HOPE that this will be the start of a more consistent blog. I have a lot to say and often allow the inspiration to leave me before I have a chance to write it down. Good planning eh? or lack thereof.

How many things in my life started out as - " a-good-intention"! I hate that term..."good intention". I have way too many things in my life that started out with the right motivation and ended up going nowhere. Either lack of follow through, lack of planning or maybe just the fact that I figured out it was a terrible idea. I have often spoken before running the idea through my brain...which often leads to disaster! I have never intentionally let people down...however, the person being let down doesn't necessarily care about my motivation!! I have hurt people, I have frustrated people and I have caused people not to think very highly of me...all because of "good intentions"! THAT SUCKS!

For many years I have followed a pattern...I have consistently done the same things over and over and incredibly, thought the results would get better! Isn't that the very definition of insanity...(that does explain a lot!)

About 20 months ago...after the worst 2 years of my career... I knew something had to change. I sat at my desk and tried to honestly ask myself some very hard questions. After over 30 years of doing music...after many years of investing time energy and finances...why am I no further ahead? Why am I still struggling...Why is there no room for creativity anymore...Why am I still in survival mode? WHY WHY WHY? Well...I came to the conclusion I was, in fact, "insane". I looked back over the years and thought of the many times that I had, in fact, let people down...let myself down, spoke too quickly, not followed through etc...I kept doing the same thing thinking that THIS time it will be different. WOW! That really hit me. I did not think I had lived my life like that...but it appeared that I had!

So...I determined that I was going to approach each decision in my life like this:
1. What would "Kevin" do?
2. DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE!

That was my strategy. I didn't say that thing I was going to say. I didn't make that call I was going to make. I wrote that letter I was NOT going to write. I was going to plan and think about the idea I was just going to do...As often as I could - I would try to respond very differently than I had over the last 30 years...

Now I would love to tell you that I have not blown it at all over the last 20 months or so...That is not the case...however, The number of "let downs" have greatly decreased. Learning to be a better version of myself is not an easy task. Taking stock into the "inner me" is not always pleasant. However, the results of digging and finding uncomfortable answers have allowed me to start the process of being better.

I am becoming:
1. A man of my word
2. A man that follows through
3. A man who does what he says

I am becoming...I am not there yet...I am becoming! This is a journey...

What hard answers could you find in your own life that could change the trajectory of your future? Look deep inside. Ask those that love you what they think. I am trying to become Kevin 2.0...It started with some soul-searching, then it started an outward change that is slowly sinking deep into my daily life.

Hard, difficult and uncomfortable answers were the start of my new journey...I would love to hear your story.

-Kevin Pauls

New Page!

2014 brings the turning of a page...new life and new beginnings...yet so many things remain the same!

Do you ever feel like that?  Maybe it's just me...

I am always excited about the new year...September brings the same feelings of newness for me.  These times make you think of turning the page...clean slate etc... The only problem is this, the page seems to be new or at least blank, but the pressure of the last page has made it's way onto the "new page".  The pen seems to inevitably wind up going down the same lines as the last page...The pressure from the last page seems to not allow us to carve new paths.

I find that this year, I am trying to turn about three or four pages deep to find a page that the pressure has not already made it's mark.  Not easy...i am finding that I need to go deeper!!

I really need this year to be different.  I really need to go deep and find that page that is not already mapped out by last years pressure.  I am finding the right people to partner with, trying to stick to the things I am good at.  Trying to find a new way to do things, if I want a new result!!

This year will see a bunch of FIRSTS!  New CD, new emphasis on songwriting, new focus on mentoring and working with artists, new tours, new partnerships, Europe and Africa this year!!

The challenge will be to make sure that I have gone deep enough...that this NEW page is just that...a new page!

Here's to new beginnings...AGAIN!

Kevin

The first blog...

To get some background on my other blogs and notes goto my facebook page...but this is now going to be my official BLOG!!!

Those of you just tuning in...WELCOME! here we go....

OK - i have had an interesting summer to say the least. I have endured hard times and I have had some incredible times. I want to start from this premise...
1. Jesus Christ is in fact my Saviour!
2. I do trust HIM only!!
3. I plead for HIS wisdom and guidance more than anything
4. My life is not my own, I am simply a vessel to do what HE has called me to
5. This BLOG/NOTES is my transparent confession of how I live out my faith!

You know it is funny, each blog or note that I write taken on it's own will only give the reader a glimpse into a moment of my life...I want to allow those of you that do not know me to get a BIG picture of who I am and what I stand for...

The first thing I want you to understand is this - I am nothing without Jesus Christ in my life!! Anything I have I owe to HIM and anything I accomplish is only by HIS grace!! I have chosen to die to self and allow Christ to live in me!!

NOW - having said that...I am not very good at living that out everyday...That is one of the reasons I write this blog. I love being able to be open and honest and just tell it like it is...even if it appears that I have lost my mind or my salvation!!!

Often times in the church, leaders (without really trying to do this...) present this front of perfection. They would never state it as such, and they would correct you if you suggested that...BUT the reality of it is this...We do not talk about our feelings of disappointment, or our feelings of being ticked off with God, or our feelings of being confused. Without meaning to we have built a culture inside the church that says "live up to this standard or else do not come in..." then we mess up, look like hypocrites and give many an excuse not to want what we have!!

My goal in writing this is to allow dialogue about the disappointments of life as well as the joy and peace we find in HIM!

If you take any piece of the Bible on it's own you can create a very misguided theology. BUT - when taken as a piece of the whole and understood in context it all makes sense!!

Often we make choices that are right and pure and Godly - they do not always FEEL great though. Our flesh rises up and challenges us!! If we are not honest with ourselves we can fall into Satan's trap...

SO - what is my point today? Well I guess it is to give you a better glimpse of who I am and why i write these notes...

Especially when I am front of people so much, my music and my life need to be authentic. I never want to be a different person off the stage and on it! I don't want to have to live my life wondering...who am i today, is this STAGE Kevin or just me?? I also want to make sure you know that I mess up all the time, make poor decisions, and the list goes on!!

I also want to live my spiritual struggles out in the open...I figure if I am feeling it, than most people have or are currently feeling it too!!

I pray that my rantings and musings and thoughts are uplifting - though provoking - troubling sometimes and yes, every once in a while - AMUSING!!!

till i feel inspired again!! have a great day...and welcome to the start of school!!

Kevin